Thursday, April 12, 2007

Mourning, Trauma and Dispair

Saturday April 7th at Amahoro Stadium in Kigali
Thousands of people had gathered in the stadium for the opening of the week of mourning. Now that Rwanda is my country I came to express my support to all who were grieving.
When I entered the stadium I felt a heavy depression come upon me. I did my best to stay above it as I tried to have light hearted conversations with those around me. But it just wasn't right. The atmosphere was sorrowful. More and more people came. Some had red eyes from crying others sunglasses on though it was early evening. The feeling of sadness and depression became stronger with the minute.
The ceremony started with silence for those who had died during the genocide and the years of killing prior to the 1994 outburst. It was an eary silence.
Ministers and other leaders of Rwanda lit their candles and walked a silent walk on the tracks. I recognized some faces and felt a glimpse of hope knowing there would at least be some people I could share this experience with.
A man had been asked to share his testimony of survival. He was in Kibuye during the genocide and shared how he had been beaten severely then nailed on a cross, then with cross and all placed in a fire, left to die. When he shared these details all around me people who had been crying silently started screaming. Some jumped up and looked as if they were fighting, screaming like I had never heard before. The more details on what the man had been through he shared the more people started screaming and crying hysterically.
Men who stiffened up and just fell to the ground, women who were kicking and screaming and carried off. Others who seemed to gain control over their tears then in a sudden moment completely losing it and yelling things while acting hysterically.
My heart ripped inside me, the screams were unbearable, they cut through anything. While tears were streaming down my face I whispered; "Jesus, oh Jesus, have mercy, come and heal, come and heal, come and heal". There would be moments of calm and quiet followed by outbursts of screaming and other post traumatic manifestations. The lady sitting next to me cried quietly and I found myself snuggled up to her holding hands as the night progressed.
This whole week as been of a week of weeping. As our friends come and share their stories there is nothing I can do, but sit and cry with them. The screams are still in my head, I wonder if they will ever go. The stories of my friends, to horrendous to repeat are written in my heart.
The Lord gently reminded me of the reason he brought me and my family to Rwanda; to bring wholeness... This experience in the stadium has enlarged my heart even more and stretched my compassion for the wounded and lost beyond my imagination.
There are very few doing trauma relief in this nation, we have the tools but need to train and equip the willing. When my friend tells me that when she hears a knock on a door she freezes because someone might want to be there ready to rape her or take her to be killed, when my other friend walks on the streets of Kigali and has regular flashbacks of the days when there were roadblocks at the places he sets foot, roadblocks made of dead people, his people, his family members....
Are you willing to help us get all the equipment we need to start training Rwandans who the lord has set free to lead their own people into wholeness from their trauma? We need a power point projector, training materials and some documentation copied. Please contact me at Astrid@SoZoMinistriesAfrica.org if you can help!

Friday, April 06, 2007

Forever 29


Can you believe it, I am still 29... It's ok I don't believe it either.
It was my birthday a few days back and a very special one. We took Nani and Zoey and went for a delicious breakfast to a 5 star hotel in Kigali. The girls fell from one amazement to another, starting after driving into the parking lot. Wow they have a fountain and it works! The one yelled. Wow and they have cool lights outside the other noticed. When we went in I felt highly embarrassed. Both Nani and Zoey stopped in the center of the lobby just in pure delighted amazement of the beauty of the place. Look at all that tile, so shiny... Wow and they have real furniture Zoey said will jumping in a very beautiful lether chair... And a real piano, Nani noticed. When we entered the restaurant it was all ooh and aah... Both girls sat down real proper with the napkin in their laps and straight backs. Yes they wanted coffee please when asked what to drink. When they saw coco puff cereal, cheeses and BACON, they just could not control themselves. They were jumping with excitement!
After a wonderful breakfast we took the girls to the new coffee place in the city. Again this created many oohs and aahs. I looked at Zoey and noticed her standing in the middle of the room. Her foot slowly slipped out of her flip flop and unto the floor, her toes started to wiggle. With twinkles in her eyes she said; Naan, feel this!" while bumping her big sister with her elbow. Both of them were standing there, in the middle of the store without shoes enjoying carpet...
This was such a fun time, what a great birthday! Thanks Trav for saying it was mandatory for us to celebrate this day! I love you.